Unsettled

It's Mother's Day, and as these sorts of holidays go, I've had a nice, relaxing day. I even got a nap in. My husband (who is doing some major butt-kissing this weekend) took me and the kids out to lunch where the 3 year old cried for a good part of the meal, but since that's a regular occurence, not too bad. I took the kids to see my mom too, and nothing too exciting happened. Now it's about time to wind down for the day, and I'm feeling unsettled.

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I have a trial in a guardianship case that I have been working on for months. My exhibits are prepared, my outlines are ready, and everything should be fine. That's the problem...should be. I never feel entirely settled when it comes to these things. I know my case, I have 200 pages worth of exhibits to prove my point. I've got a brutal cross-examination ready and waiting, and yet I don't feel particularly good about any of it tonight. High conflict cases make me uneasy. I don't enjoy the fight nearly as much now as I did at 25 or even at 30. And compound my anxiety by 100 and you feel how my client is probably feeling right now. She is a great lady. I respect her, I admire her and I don't want to let her down. She deserves a bulldog, and so I'll bark and growl tomorrow, but I have to admit it's getting harder to bark and growl. These cases wear me out. There's so much at stake, and so I take it on, shoulder more of the burden than belongs to me, and it's just...tiring.

Ultimately I trust my preparations will pay off. And I trust that the truth in these situations prevails, but I'm not the Judge, nor am I in the jury pool. I hope I am persuasive, articulate and artful. I pray that I think quickly, react swiftly and remember to be respectful to the other attorney (who I personally don't like all that much). But for now, I'm feeling unsettled.