I made a fairly strange New Year's resolution this year. I committed to binding those things and people that needed to be bound to me and loosing those ties that needed to be loosened. I got the idea in the final days of 2012 when I heard again the text from Matthew regarding loosing and binding.
"and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." Matthew 16:19
I am, to put it in an odd way, a "hanger-oner." I have a hard time letting go of people, ideas and places. It's been part of my make-up since I was a little girl. Even after I've seen that it's time to move on, let go, do something different, I still struggle with doing so. By way of example, I knew years before I ever married my first husband that this was not who I needed to be with. I knew in ways that I didn't or couldn't express that we were not meeting one another's needs. And yet, I hung on tight for over a decade after that realization. I've had friendships that if I examined them closely, I would've seen clearly needed to be let go of. Still, I struggle with being able to walk away. It's part of who I am.
The problem is...when I hang on to people, things or ideas that I shouldn't be hanging onto...I am not attending to that which needs to be bound up. Those peoples, places and ideas that serve to make me a more loving and just human being. Those are the things that I need to be binding on earth.
So...this year my New Year's resolution has already been one I've had to think about and act upon. I've had to let go of two different friendships. Quite honestly, I didn't want to let go. I wanted to see if I could somehow figure a way through or out. But, ultimately I reached a point when I realized (in the past few days) that the friendships aren't healthy. Not for me. Not for the other two people. So, at last, I've decided to loose those ties. And already I have seen how this has allowed me to refocus my time and energies on those things which I want to bind.
The relationships that are the most integral for me are my husband and my children. They are what need and deserve my attention. My husband is an amazing man. And he has sat by while I have struggled to loose that which needed loosed. He has listened, held my hand and loved me through it. I couldn't ask for more from anyone in my life than what he has offered. And I know that regardless of whether I made the choice to loosen willingly or not, he would be there, willing to hold my hand and love me through the process.
Binding and Loosing in 2013.